How To Be a DM Spammer (with Examples)

Mon, Mar 18, 2024

How To Be a DM Spammer (with Examples)

I get a lot of spam in my DMs. 

I know I’m not the only one; I’m pretty sure every other entrepreneur, business owner, and marketer on the internet does, too. 

Below are some of my favorites—and by favorite I mean instantly deleted.

(Seriously, who falls for this nonsense?)


Hey [NAME]! I saw your profile and [MEANINGLESS COMPLIMENT]. Are you interested in [BROAD SERVICE OFFERING]? I recently accomplished [BS CASE STUDY] for another brand just like yours. What time works for a quick call?


[NAME], I was hoping you could help me with something: I’m looking for [RANDOM NUMBER] businesses who are interested in skyrocketing their [WHATEVER]. Do you know anyone stupid enough to fall for a line this bad? If so, please share their contact info and SSN. 


[NAME], did you get my last message? I’d really hate to see you miss out on this opportunity. Let’s hop on a call and I can show you how I can [LOFTY PROMISE THAT PROBABLY USES THE WORDS “10X”]. Here’s my booking link, pick anytime that works for me. 


[NAME], just bumping this to the top of your inbox. Clearly I think you’re an idiot who can’t manage or prioritize your communication conduits. Don’t worry, if we actually start working together I promise not to be nearly this proactive with communication. 


[NAME], I shot a video just for you on [CRAZY RESULT WITH CLICK BAIT TITLE]. Do I have your permission to send it over? (P.S. I don’t really care about your permission. I obviously didn’t shoot a video. I’m just trying to save myself time. God forbid I give any real value up front.)


[NAME], did you see this [ARTICLE/VIDEO/SITE] from [TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE] about [TOPIC THAT BARELY APPLIES]? Given the fact that I can’t create compelling content of my own, I thought I’d throw this in front of you so you’d start to associate it with me. Is it working?


[NAME], I noticed that your [SITE/SOCIAL PROFILE/BUSINESS] has [SOME NEGATIVE ASPECT]. I’m sure this is something you would want to fix right away. Let me know if you’re interested and I can send you screenshots. Sorry if this sounds vaguely like a ransom letter.


[NAME], is there someone else I should be talking to about [WHATEVER I’M TRYING TO SELL YOU]? Clearly you’re not important or smart enough to grasp the brilliance I’ve been lobbing over the fence. Who on your team can you connect me with so I can begin harassing them? 


[NAME], clearly, you’re immune to my charms so let me just get straight to the point: [WHAT I WANT, HOW I WANT IT, WHY IT’S GOOD FOR ME, AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO MAKE SURE I GET IT QUICKLY AND EASILY]. What do you say? 


[NAME], this will be the last time I follow up. Obviously, you’re too stupid and shortsighted to see the epic value I was dropping at your feet. I hope you feel the immense weight of FOMO as I slowly back away from you while ’90s slow rock plays. Don’t try to talk me out of leaving…


[NAME], are you or is anyone you know hiring? I’ll do literally any job for just about any amount of money. I have no skills, no creativity, and no shame. Ideally, I want a remote job that doesn’t drug test, won’t check references, and can be automated. So, what’s my title going to be?


Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!